By J.C. High Eagle July 03 2016
Email: info@joyce-ramgatie.com

DO ENTERTAINERS HAVE TO BE PERFECT? As entertainers, we can well see that perfectionism is rampant today. A great many people try so hard to do right . . . and be right.

To me, our fear of making a mistake has a different meaning. It is an expression of our highly competitive way of living. Making a mistake becomes so dangerous not because of the punishment - of which we don't think - but because of the lowering of our status, of the ridicule, of the humiliation, which it may incur: "If I do something wrong and you find that I am doing something wrong, then I am no good. And if I am no good, then I have no respect, I have no status. Then you might be better than me. Horrible thought!"

Actually, people who try so desperately to avoid mistakes are endangering themselves. The reason is two fold. First, when you think about the mistake that you might make, you do to yourself the greatest harm by discouraging yourself. We know that discouragement is the best motivation for doing something wrong. In order to do something right, one has to have confidence - self-confidence. When you think about the mistake you might make you express your lack of faith in yourself, your lack of confidence in yourself. And, consequently, out of this discouragement we are more prone to make a mistake.

Second, there is another psychological mechanism that makes concern with mistakes so dangerous. We know today that everybody moves in accordance with his or her expectations. When you expect to do something, are really convinced you will do it, you are stronger to do it. You may not always do it because there may be other factors involved. But, as far as you are concerned, when you expect to behave in a certain way, you are most prone to behave in this way.

Most people who make mistakes feel guilty; they feel degraded, they lost respect for themselves, they lose belief in their own ability. And I have seen it time and again: the real damage was not done through the mistakes they made but through the guilt feeling, discouragement, which they had afterwards. Then they really messed it up for themselves. As long as we are so preoccupied with the fallacious assumption of the importance of mistakes, we can't take mistakes in our stride.

And so the mistaken idea of the importance of mistakes leads us to a mistaken concept of ourselves. We become overly impressed by everything that's wrong in us and around us. Because, if I am critical of myself, I naturally am going to be critical of the people around me.
If I am sure that I am no good, I have at least to find that you are worse. That is what we are doing. Anyone who is critical of himself is always critical of others.

How many things would be different in everyone's surroundings if we hadn't lived: How a good word may have encouraged some fellow and did something to him that he did it differently and better than he would have otherwise. And through him somebody else was saved. How much we contribute to each other, how powerful we each are - and don't know it. That is the reason then why we can't be satisfied with ourselves and look to elevate ourselves - afraid of the mistakes that would ruin us - and try desperately to gain the superiority over others.

So perfection, therefore, is by no means a necessity; it is even impossible. This "right' morally and "right" logically is very often an offense to human relationships. In order to be right you sacrifice kindness, patience if you want, and tolerance. No, out of this desire for rightness we don't get peace, we don't get cooperation; we merely end up by trying to give the others the idea of how good we are when we can't even fool ourselves No, to be human does not mean to be right, does not mean to be perfect. To be human means to be useful, to make contributions, not for oneself, but others.

To take what there is and make the best out of it. But that has a prerequisite: that we can't be overly concerned with their shortcomings, we have no respect, neither for ourselves nor for others. We have to learn the art, and to realize that we are good enough. As we are - because we never will be better, regardless of how much more we may know, how much more skill we may acquire, how much status or money or what-have-you.

Perhaps consider NOT trying to become famous, and make music just because you’re passionate about it. It appears to me that the paradox holds true: make good music only if you feel inspired to do so, don’t try so hard for others to acknowledge your narcissistic greatness, but do something worthwhile (like charity or fundraisers), and by not trying so hard to “make it” you will be noticed and appreciated by society.

 If we can't make peace with ourselves as we are, we never will be able to make peace with ourselves. And this requires the courage to be imperfect; requires the realization that I am no angel, that I am not superhuman, that I make mistakes, that I have faults; but I am pretty good because I don't have to be better than the others: Which is a tremendous belief. If you accept just being yourself, we learn to function, to dour best regardless of what it is; out of the enjoyment of the functioning we can grow just as well, even better than if we would drive ourselves to be perfect - which we can't be. Don't be afraid to be imperfect . .